Whine Swine

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SWINE FLU ALERT !

SWINE FLU ALERT !!

Do take care

of your health, readers.

Now you see, Grace DO CARE about you afterall.

Isn't that totally sweet.

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Remember to get yourself a really cute mask

so that you can still act chio

and attract hot guys

in times of a catastrophe.

I went out with mommy again for the whole day and due to the fact that I only have ONE lesson to attend today.

I decided to skip it. Mommy is in favour of this decision too.

As I grow older, I've learnt to enjoy spending time with mommy.

And whenever my class starts late, we will go for breakfast and I really liked the feeling.

Mother's Day is just around the corner and I don't know what I can get for her.

Flowers, chocolates and card?

That's totally cliche. *YAWN*

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BYE.

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Damn doctor

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I heeded the advice of the doctor and went to take a cold shower 10 minutes ago.
He said that it will make my rashes less itchy.
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Now,

I am making my way down

to the nearest hardware shop,

purchase 5 gallons of paraffin and

SET THE GOD DAMN

CLINIC ON FIRE!

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OEI!

Doctor. Do you know how fucking cold it was

and my rashes are still bloody itchy!

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What a jerk.

To all the cute guys: Just kidding! I don't have no rashes! I am too cute to get rashes, neither do I burp or fart, or pick my nose or constipate. And even IF I do get rashes, they are shaped in tiny pinkish heart shapes, not some ugly patches or pimples-lookalike.

The more you floss, the better you are.

I over slept and missed school AGAIN.

I don't understand why or how I did it with 4 alarms set at an interval of 5 mins each.

But still...

OPPS ! I did it againnn!

*Bimbo pouting lips*

Mommy told me she tried to wake me up but to no avail.

This is HER side of story, which sounds totally RIDICULOUS.

Mommy: "Grace ah! What time your lesson starts?! " *irritating shrilly voice*

Grace: *mumbles* 9am..

Mommy: "Now already 10am!!"

Grace: " Then 11am lor."

Mommy eventually gave up on my crap and walked away.
I was quite pissed she gave up so easily.

The previous night,

before I hit the hay:

I brushed my teeth for twice (once with the electronic toothbruch, once manually)

Admire my own face in the mirror for 3 minutes.

And flossed my teeth. Oh my guan yin ma.

I get really, sincerely thrilled from inside out whenever I engage in flossing.

It never fails to drive me sky-high everytime I slip the thread (or rather force it through, which often results in cut my own gums and excessive bleeding) between slits of my teeth and pretend it's a mini-saw in my mouth. I'll start manipulating the flossing stick to and fro, watching how the thread drags the mushy white stuff out of the slits between the teeth.

Then, it will be followed by the disgusting amount of tiny white plaque being scraped out. Lastly I'll wipe all those collected creamy gooey stuff on a piece of tissue paper and GOSH! Life is only complete after you've flossed your teeth.


Flossing
IS
orgasmic.

Feeling lonely?

Try flossing.

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As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

I MUST bear this in mind.

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Oh guan yin ma.

Please help me!!

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I overspent this month

and I'm totally BROKE.

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I am supposed to:

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- Order contacts lens

- Visit the salon

- Go clubbing with Kevin on Thursday night.

- Go clarke quay with ying on Friday night.

- Go Butter Factory with yikai on Saturday night.

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BUT HOW,

YOU TELL ME ??!!

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Damn it.

Why won't money fall from the sky?

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Why won't rich men rise from the ground?

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I shouldn't have said YES so readily.

I always have the problem of rejecting people.

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Of course I'm not implying

that I'm a little-miss-nice.

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I am just pure dumb at times.

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Less is More

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Quality is really vital in friends rather than quantity.
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Yes, if you have friends of quality and quantity, good for you.
You have the best of both worlds then.
So go celebrate now by spanking your younger siblings or do whatever you like.
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Quality used to be really important to me a few years back.
It made me feel popular,
It provides me with all the companionship I needed
It gives me all the attention I desired.
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I used to find it hard to apply the concept of "Less is More"
What crap! More IS more.
More diamonds/roses = More love
Less friends = Less love = BIG TIME LOSER.
Taa-daa! My philosophy BACK THEN.
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But now, I finally learnt the true definition of it.
And I truly appreciate that.
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Moral of this blog post?

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GET A LIFE!

STOP READING CRAPPY

BLOG POST LIKE THIS!

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School's Pure Evil

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School has started
And the first week of school is almost over.

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It wasn't that bad as there are so many wonderful people around me.

Though it wasn't as lively as before

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Cause Jeremy, Kevin, Linzhe and Nigg could not be spotted at Gate 8 anymore.

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Some left, while others graduated.

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And as for Tommy,King of MIA.

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Sometimes when he's bored,

he would ride on his rocket

and fly all the way

to outer space.

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Reception is poor out there, what's more LONG distance calls are expensive.

So we can understand how tough it is to contact him.

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The lam-nua-gang days are officially over.

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It's now down to two, Bitchy (my dear Crystal) and me.

SAD.

It's time for me to embrace

adopt the pathetic dull life

of a geek.

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Of course.

That goes to others as well I guessed.

My Bitchy !

That's Qianhan!

Hi to Mei Fang !

And of course.

Our noble astronaut, Tommy.

Energy Level = ZERO

I really feel like blogging today.
I've got so many things to tell.
But I'm dead beat.

Tomorrow perhaps.

Clarke Like A Chicken

LOOK!
It's Grace's Day Out With Ying!

At Clarke Quay !!!

WHERE WHERE?

C. CLINIC

We spent a couple of hours chatting, crapping, drinking, eating..yada yada.
Time really flies, we're both 18 and have known each other for almost a decade.




Our initial plan was to go Bugis for karaoke session.

Then, we changed our mind and went to Liang Court's Pary World.

However, it was full, so we went to Clarke Quay and settled in Clinic.


Roti-Prata Sisters!





After all the cocktail drinking at clinic, we went off to take a stroll by the bridge.

That's romantic..Aww.





Heels vs. Flats

Damn! I should have dressed nicer if I knew we're going Clarke Quay.

While sitting by the river, we met many different people.



These guys were really cool.
They could do like hand-stands and back-flips and some other really cool stunts.



This Thai guy has the best hand-stand among them.



Then, we met Tarry and Magnurr.
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They are students in NUS. What a NERD.
However,they are really nice guys, expecially Tarry, we really hit it off pretty well.
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I bombarded him with all my weird grooming habits and he was god damn taken aback.
I bet he thinks I'm nuts.


Both of them were super cute cause THEY LOVE karaoke.
So off we went to some Boat quay karaoke pub.


Ying was like picking on Magnurr for the whole night.
I bet Magnurr is really devastated cause we all agree he has messy hair.


And Tarry, you're just too fair and I TOTALLY hate that.





After the karaoke, they were famished and off we went for roti-prata.
It was already 6 plus in the morning.
Damn. I sure was tired.

I loved this photo.

They think that it's redundant to do peace sign except during a protest or something.

Yet many people in Singapore love doing the peace when taking photos.

So they were forced to do it, HAHA.

I'm siao.

I'm demure.

I'm Grace.

She's Ying.

She's My Darling.

P.S

And yes

I remember, ying.

May 1st right?

SEE YOU THEN!

Mor and Ham

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HI.

My Name Is Grace.

MorMor and Hamster still don't know how to bathe in the bathing sand.

Damn. MorMor, do you know the bathing sand is not very cheap !

Everytime I place them in the bathing container, they would end up eating the sand.

And it's non-stop eating, especially Hamster.

Hamster nibbles on everything, except the band I wear on my wrist.
Instead, that fat woman knows how to cross over the loop.

MIRACULOUS.

On the contrary, MorMor bites on the bands like some crazy ADHD patient.
I was pretty taken aback when MorMor bit me that day.

How can you bite me! I'm your very sweet and pretty owner, you know ?!
I'm so not pleased, MorMor !

zL thinks that I'm a bigtime nutcase.

Cause I would talk to MorMor and Hamster as though talking to humans.
We should treat them with humanity afterall. What's wrong.

I hate it when people tell me, they are just two hamsters!
You're just another idiot then.

...
Hate it when I don't get to see Mor and Ham.
But it's not within my control too.


Hope I can get to see them tomorrow.
PLEASE.

Anguish

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"You're a little crackpot,

Short and Stout !"

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Can't stand those short girls getting near to me,

They will go " Wa you so tall. I look so tiny beside you"

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OEI.

What tiny.

Is short.

SHORT SHORT SHORTTTTTT.

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I'm also skinny to the bones ok.

Don't try to tell me how big sized I am.

I'm a size 6 !

6! 6! 6!

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How bout you!

Size 666??

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And by the way, I'm not YaoMing-ly tall also.

I'm just a mere 165cm .

What too tall cannot find husband ?!

You think Singapore guys walk on stilts HUH?

Nonsense!

You too short,

Your husband then can't find you ar!

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Very angry.

VERY VERY ANGRY.

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Beauty

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I'm on the never-ending quest

to a pretty lifestyle!

#1- Corset Wearing
Basically, to strangle my already-very-tiny body into a even tinier corset, at the same time, try my best to stay alive. It also rectifies my un-glam slouching posture and give some lift to my boobs. Like it? LOVE IT.


#2- Nose Clipping
I must make it a point to clip my nose for 15 minutes before I go to bed EVERYDAY. By the way, just for your benefit, do not buy those commercialised nose clippers. I bought one, and it's fucked up. NO good. Make your own D.I.Y nose clipper using clothes peg and two cotton pads. Do handpick your clothes peg, find the one with the right pressure.


#3- Intensive Whitening
No more laziness! I must bring a brolly out no matter how heavy my bag is and shelter myself from every single inch of sunlight. And also, apply sunblock despite the fact that cute guys will get turn off by my lingering banana-boat aroma. Application of my intensive whitening lotion every night must not be missed anymore!


#4- Moisture Replenishment
Gulp Gulp GULP!! I've always been missing out the drinking water part in my life. Hence, I often get cracked and dry lips. Big turn off! Big time taboo when it comes to kissing cute guys. It's time for me to buy a cute pink water bottle and bring it to school. Hooray! Now I attained health and style!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEXAYE

I AM OFFICIALLY 18 !

I AM!

I REALLY AM!

Two days before my actual birthday.
Xin and I went out for a
Mini-At-The-Same-Time-Low-Profile celebration.




Our actual itinerary was to perhaps walk around in town then down to Clarke Quay.
However, we continued staying in town for some i-don't-know-why reason.

Perhaps it's pure laziness i assume.




We dined at Spageddies in Paragon.
It was xin's recommendation.

So I shall not babble on and on about how much Pastamania can do better.

I looked as though I was trying to adjust my brassiere.

But the fact is, I'm not.

Alright. Then we wandered off to cineleisure to check out the movie timeslots.

It was 10 plus and our movie starts at 12.15am.

So we were spoilt by

BLOODY ABUNDANT AMOUNT OF TIME.

But it wasn't that bad.

In fact it was GREAT.

Cause...

I coincidentally met KEVIN !

What a pleasant surprise.





And you know what.

Xin is so sweet..she really is.

She wrote me a card with superrrr long yet funny content

AND BOUGHT ME A WACOAL CORSET.

She's really super nice.

But at the same time, I felt god damn guilty.

Cause I know she has been trying

to save up for her braces,

yet she spent a relatively great amount

of money on my present.

I LOVE YOU, XIN!

You're the best gift from

Guan Yin Ma to ME.

Trying hard to open the card

without destroying it.

LOOK.. The card is so sweet right.
But guess what.
I flipped behind and I almost fainted.
This is what it says:
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"Two of a kind- the photographer's great-aunts

at their home in Canada.

Sister Rose and Florence have lived together

since they were both

WIDOWED IN THEIRS 40s ?!

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OEI ! CRAZY AR !

I DON'T WANT TO BE A WIDOW AT MY 40s !

And worst, LIVING WITH YOU!

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I WANNA LIVE WITH SOME HANDSOME YOUNG MAN

WHO'S EYEING ON MY MONEY

AND LOOKING FORWARD TO MY DEATH

YET WILLING TO TOUCH

MY SAGGY OLD SKIN.

She's my darling.

I really hope her A'levels would quickly end

so that she could have more time with me.

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But it's alright!

QUALITY not quantity right, Dearest!
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Just posing to take photo.
I wasn't reading the card.

CAN'T DIGEST,

TOO WORDY.

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Continued slacking at Gloria Jeans

till our movie starts.

After the movie, we were FAMISHED

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As we all know,
A hungry man is an angry man.
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What's more, there were TWO.
So we angrily stomped over the the coffeeshop opposite Cine.



Ate some satays..

TAA-DAA!

NOW WE ARE BOTH HAPPY!

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Siao.

GOODBYE.

LOTS OF LOVE

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Super over-due?

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OH YEAH.

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Indeed.

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Met up with shiwei fifteen hundred years ago.

We went to Jurong point. Then.. DAISO (IMM)..
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I went to buy more of my hammies stuff.
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Oh my guan yin ma.
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I LOVE MORMOR !! ...and love Hamster too.

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MorMor, you so cute!!

And Hamster..stop eating.
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Shiwei's obsessed with taking pictures with
weird things. (excluding me.)




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Let me announce this to the world.
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I

LOVE

MOR MOR!!!
..

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We shopped till all the shops in IMM were closed.
We're a DAISO's loyal customers.
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I DEMAND FOR A

DAISO MEMBERSHIP CARD.

Bye.

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P.S. : I love MorMor.
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P.P.S : I HATE favouritism.
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P.P.P.S : I know what you're thinking. I'm not.

May I see your PROPOSAL?

I wanted to go see

MorMor today!

But I wasn't feeling too well.
Think I'm gonna pass away soon.


Xin thinks I'm bloody self-absorbed when I'm with the hammies.
I don't know.
I just love to watch these tiny furballs.


I was told that MorMor starts biting again.
What's wrong with her.

Darn !

By the way, I want to be a demure, virtuous and feminine young lady.
I'll be turning 18 on the 13th.


And I should be undergoing my "wife-to-be" training in case someone, anyone wanna marry me.
I'm really scared to be left on the shelf.

Since young, my dad warned me to get married by hook or by crook.
As he would never allow me to stay with them.

He thinks that unmarried old women

have weird temperament

due to the deprivation of sex.

I've been deemed as a vulgar and so-not-feminine girl for my past 17 years.

It's time to put an end to all these nonsense.

Firstly, I've to learn to use a knife instead of scissors all the time.

Then, it's time to learn to on the stove.

Lastly, challenge the washing machine.

Wish me luck.

Otherwise, propose to me.

God Bless Hammies

Oh Dear Guan Yin Ma.


Please watch after my little hammies

(MorMor & Hamster)


Especially Hamster..

Yesterday zL called me and told me Hamster's nose is bleeding.

It's as though some asshole whacked me in the head.
I was totally taken aback.


He told me that Hamster was shivering badly at first
Then it wasn't moving, as though it was...

TOUCH WOOD


Trying to maintain my calm,
My first reaction was like "Ok ok, I go online search."

For your information, I'm a very "google" and "yahoo" person.

Then, I saw someone said that his hamster had nose bleed and passed away a few days later.

WHAT THE FUCK.

I cried so hard like some motherfucking loser in the middle of the night, like 4 am.
I know I'm very dramatic.

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But I am really god damn worried for Hamster

What's more I am not with her.
What on earth is happening to her.

Can someone, anyone

enlighten me please ?

And regarding the naming of the hammies.
Xin thinks I'm damn biased.


Cause one of the hammies is really sweet and nice and let me hold it.
While the other mean one keeps biting my fingers, and it's FUCKING PAIN!


So I named the sweet one MorMor while I was playing with it.
As for the other one... I just called it Hamster.


Until she learns to be nice or she will never get to have a name.

This is Hamster.. She's not dead.

This was not taken when she had her nose bleed.

She's just sleeping. She often sleeps on her back.

And she's one big FAT lazy hammie.

She eats twice the amount MorMor eats and doesn't exercise.

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I felt rather guilty when I knew that

Hamster had nose bleed.

Cause I favoured MorMor more,

And neglected Hamster.

I'm sorry, Hamster.

But you're the one who started it.

You bit me first asshole.

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