Ilikewhatilike

Formspring makes people sounds desperate.

Everybody goes, "C'mon! Ask me something! Ask me anything!"

HAHA.

I like.

I think it's funnay.

iwantudieyoung.

I've been trying hard to

get this point across to jg.

I wan tu die a grape,

not a raisin.

Sunshine..

Can't wait for school to get started.

Get busy with work and stuff.

Emptiness.

I cry every night.



Because I feel your pain.

To: My dearest.

You can give us up.

But we won't.

We'll be there.

Waiting for you. . . just like before.

World's Best Bff

My BFF just tagged me in a Facebook post today.

Apparently, she also tagged her cute lil cousin in it.

"Josh Teo Kai Xuan: Little Josh, my best friend Grace Ooi says you're so adorable and handsome!! She says she'll wait for you to grow up and marry her hahahah. you can consider, pretty jiejie hahaha."

Now I look like a living Pedobear or something. I almost died.

Shimmering poops

I just realised that breakfast

when separated is like break fast.

Well, it's the same thing actually.

So when my malay friends tell me

they gonna go break fast,

they actually meant

"I'm gonna eat my breakfast."

Why the cao ang moh who came up with the term try to make it sound so fancy?

Like breccck-ferrstt.

Ang mohs are always like that.

"Chaos"

Must pronounce as kayy-yohhs

Wtf.

Is obviously CHAO luh.

Like

"Hey you, chao chee bye."

"Chalet"

Must pronounce as shaaa-layy

Lanjiao.

Your mother ate the 'T' si bo ?!

Ogay. Just my random hullaballoo.

Dunch take it too seriously.

Hi my lil punanis

I wanna be like normal girls.

They have lotsa girl friends and go for girls' outing or whatever.

I don't have much female friends.

80% of my close friends are dudes.

Ogay here's a confession.

I get nervous when I have to talk to girls.

I don't know what to talk about really!

Everything must be phrased and spoken with lotsa sensitivity.

I sound so gay I know.

This is a typical conversation I always find myself trapped in when I talk to girls.

Me: Hi.. I'm grace.

Girl: Hi.. I'm wadeva-name-you-wanna-insert

Me: *awkward silence*

Girl: Wow.. I like your hair.

Me: (*Me with my ruined fringe*) Haha.. Really? Okay... Thanks..

See. Girls tend to take the effort

to make things sound better.

But I'm lacking of the feminine sensitivity.

How to make friends like that?!

When I do it my way,

which is the honest and sincere way,

GIRLS HATE ME.

Me: Hi..

Girl: Hey.. What do think of my new hair cut?

Me: Mmm. Not bad. But I think your previous hair cut looks better. It defines your features more y'know.

Girl: (*face twitched*) Oh.. Haha. Ya.. Gotta go. Kbye.

TAA-DAAAA!!!

This is how I earned my bad reputation among my fellow female species.

Guys don't give a damn bout tiny details so I hit it off well with them.

BUT.

Bad side: Their girlfriends hate me.

Either ways, I'm the bad guy.

C'mon, for guan yin ma's sake.

I-DON'T-GO-FOR-ATTACHED-GUYS

To me, attached guys are like magnets dropped on the floor.

THEY LOSE ALL THE ATTRACTION.

Alright I'll tell you what.

Sometimes the way I praise my friends'

girlfriends makes them worried instead okay?

But NO. It was plain admiration.

I know what your lil punani brains are thinking.

Long time, mate.

I FUCKIN CAN'T STAND YOU.

Who?

YOU, MOTHERFUCKIN' VIRGINA FACE.

People who post i-think-i-am-very-funny kinda Facebook status simply DRIVE ME NUTS.

There's this geeky guy on my Facebook who's ALWAYS posting shout-outs expressing discrimination against girls.

What's worst? He thinks he makes a hell lot of sense and is always looking forward for people to like or agree.

WTF?

You are ugly, short and you look like the wart at the back of your ah gong's ass.

AND HELLO?

You Facebook profile picture has you
WEARING THIS RELIGIOUS HAT,
LOOKING LIKE A DOWN SYNDROME KID

AND OBVIOUSLY

YOUR GOD DON'T LOVE YOU.

Seriously, is ugly the new confidence booster?

Ugly guys are ALWAYS the ones that see females as lower class creatures.

Sorry, but here's our hierarchy..

Hot people > Normal people > Ugly people > Freaky people

Guess what?

YOU'RE NOT EVEN
IN THE HIERARCHY
CAUSE YOU'RE UGLY AND FREAKY.

He thinks it's not guys fault to openly stare at boobs and make dirty comments cause the girls simply do not respect themselves.

Hey dweeb fuck, so you're sayin girls should go up to your face and say, "I'm sorry that my tits caused your warped character and twisted mind."

YOUR TAO NAO PAI SI BO?!

*Knock knock*

Who's there?

It's me, Grace. THE SCHOOLMATE THAT WANNA SUCKER PUNCH YOUR DOUCHE FACE, HANG YOU BY YOUR PEA SIZE BALLS AND HIT YOU LIKE A MOTHERFUCKIN GOD DAMN PINATA. Remember me? *coy smile*


He also thinks that girls are parasites that torture you and eat you alive so he's warning all guys to never let their guards down.


SMLJ?

Confirm too much hentai, motherfuckface.

I tell you what.

NORMAL GUYS. ADORE. PARASITES. LIKE. US.

AND FREAKY GUYS LIKE YOU TOTALLY DIE TO GET GIRLS BUT YOU CAN'T SO YOU PRETEND YOU DON'T WANT TO.

Get it? Aww.. we really don't call you losers for nothing y'know.

And another thing. You DON'T have to let your guard down. Let me tell you what.

Wear a chastity belt and throw away the key. You'll feel better when your friends in hell ask you "Why die a virgin?"

You can always answer them with a sunshine smile, "Cause I lost the key."

Instead of
"The only pussy I've stroked
has fur and purrs."